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Theosophy & The "I"

Written 12/10/2021

The greatest question I have had since my awakening has been, "Who am I?" With this question, I am not asking, "Who is Becca?" as I am familiar with my physical body (sthula shairia), my personal journey over the last 38 years, and the many roles & personality traits of my lower ego.

Rather, "Who am I within the larger framework of myself? (my higher self)"

"Who have I been in other incarnations?"

"What have I been in other incarnations?"

"Where have I been in other incarnations?"

"What have I known?" [Therefore what do I inherently know?]

"What are the individualized characteristics of my Ego (higher manas)?"

Recently, I watched a short video that recommended giving your ego or shadow self a name to more easily identify the situations in which you act in the ways of this world instead of acting in alignment or listening to intuition. For example: as a paramedic, I had a patient that was very short of breath, obviously struggling to breathe, and they had a history of having 1 lung removed which left them with only 1 functioning lung. While trying to think of the best way to help, my partner asked if I wanted to place the patient on a device that provides increased pressure while breathing both in and out. This is helpful for the most common breathing problems (which the patient had a history of), however my gut was telling me that the patient's breathing trouble wasn't related to that. I said to my partner, "What if the lung is collapsed? They only have 1 and that could make it worse." The patient was in distress and there was no other convincing direction to take, so I agreed and we placed them on oxygen with pressure.

After delivering them to the hospital, the physician listened to the patient's lungs and then had the oxygen with pressure continued. An x-ray was quickly taken showing a collapsed lung. The patient was then removed from the pressure device and received the appropriate intervention. Although I had no evidence and my assessment could not identify the collapsed lung, my intuition had given me the answer, however I didn't trust it. My higher self knew what was happening and I couldn't trust the answer because I couldn't validate it.

The lower ego includes that rational mind and its anchor in reality. It is the "daily mind", the present personality in the here and now. Your lower ego or shadow self is talking when you dismiss a gut feeling. In considering this, I pondered how it would be more accurate to name your higher self - since your earthly self already has a given name.

My name is Becca. I am the personality of the current, human incarnation present on this earth and integrated with a female physical body. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. I have been trained to care for the bodies of others who are ill or injured when I received education in emergency medical care and became a paramedic. My compassionate, empathetic, gentle & kind nature blossomed while working as a registered nurse. My capacity for patience & the grace that I give myself grew when I became a mother. Self-confidence has become increasingly palpable as I step into my own power, place my trust in the universe & the journey, and accept my need to live in alignment with what is right & moral.

I decided to name my higher-self: the part of me that answers to karma, the permanent reincarnating individuality, the higher Ego, my human soul (which is a fragment of her). I decided to identify this self as "she" although she does not feel entirely masculine or feminine.

She is Ophelia "Lia" St. Clair.

I am Ophelia St. Clair (OSC).

I am.

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