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January 2022: Self-reflection & update

Initially published January 2022: migrated from

I am going to be taking a travel RN job in an urgent care that is an hour drive from my home, so thankfully I won't have to travel further and can be home with my family each night. It has been very hard for me to watch my family's savings dwindle while I stayed home, however the last few months have also been a blessing for me to experience being a stay-at-home mom.

I invested time and energy into a new business as an independent contractor and reiki provider, however that was short lived. I was able to be around like-minded people and talk/live energy work, which fed my connection to spirit. It was a leap of faith, but I also gained insight into patterns that I've been repeating such as "going all in" when energetic exchange is not returned. I felt like my growth and the releasing of ego came more easily with this challenge, in being able to more easily understand what I gained as a result of the perceived failure.

I also filed a grievance with my university regarding my family nurse practitioner education and experiences involved, and I am waiting to hear a response. It was difficult to dive back into those memories & painful experiences, but necessary to file the grievance in hopes to keep these things from happening to others. I pushed the filing off for quite a while before I was able to dedicate the bandwith to file. At my husband's urging, I've also begun reaching out to consult with lawyers who practice education law. Two phone calls back to the university to check on the status of the grievance have been unsuccessful in receiving an update.

Good news: I will be attending my Reiki master training at a retreat in Mt. Shasta with Andy Wow. I kept feeling like I needed to attend in a sacred place, so I am happy to say that with the new job and another blessing my family received, I will be able to go. It is expected to take place 2/11-2/13 at the Spirit Peak Retreat. I also connected with Betty Gardner in Sedona, and although she is not currently teaching reiki master, she is teaching shamanic reiki and perhaps the universe is cultivating that plan for me. Who knows? :-)

My boys are growing like weeds and now my oldest, Ted (5), is asking for Reiki more frequently at bedtime. He is an empath and very emotional. I am thankful that he is beginning to be able to explain his strong emotional responses better - like recognizing feelings of guilt that externally manifest as crying and harshness...which is hard to distinguish from anger or sadness. I'm so proud that he is figuring out how to relate to this thought driven world so he can adapt - not change himself - but just how he interacts with the world around him.

My little guy, Benny (3), is so full of personality. He is the ying to Teddy's yang. Benny is very intellectual, confident, and has the inexplicable spark of charisma. I can't believe the things that come out of his mouth sometimes, so perfectly timed and with precise intent.

More and more, my husband and I contemplate a more radical lifestyle change such as working travel RN jobs (a few months here, a few months there) and traveling the country while he home schools the boys. We also contemplate the stability of this nation and are considering having a back-up plan in case we need to emigrate to a more politically stable country. We were researching this previously years ago before we had our children, but it fell off the radar for a while. Back to researching - family friendliness, safety, political stability, geographical risks & distance to our family, cost of living, potential employment opportunities, and the degree of difficulty that would be needed to obtain a visa.

My husband has also recently begun his own personal awakening. I have known that he is more connected to the higher realms than he was even remotely aware of, but he had a profound experience in November with a guide (channeled through a family member?), a family friend, and telepathy that solidified his connection. He called me the following morning in awe and shock at the experience. I could now reassure him that he was not going crazy, but I know the feeling because I had gone through it in the months prior. I reminded him of the moment at our kitchen counter when we were looking at a soul portrait I had done. In the portrait, there are spheres between my hands and the ground, piled up around my feet and also spreading into the air. I joked at the time that it was a picture of me losing my marbles!

I'm working through my 2022 visioning process and it is helping me connect with my intuition & guides, allowing me to see the positives behind my ego's feelings of being lost or without purpose during this time that I feel in "limbo". All I know right now, is that I should be working a travel RN contract from 1/10-4/17. I have a week off during that time to go to Daytona Beach, Florida with my family; and I'm hoping that I can schedule around the Mt. Shasta retreat without difficulty. I'm waiting to hear back from the university about the grievance, which may or may not give me any further direction regarding completing my education. Although I want to - for my earthly self & family, for my personal challenge of completing what I start, the thought of not returning has entered my mind as a possibility. That moment of realization - accepting that even as a possibility - was something that caused my ego to feel pain & mourn.

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